To Give or Not to Give -- The Hot Debate Over Wedding Favors

During a meeting in Boise, our caterer (who has a bit of wedding coordination experience) asked the groom and I if we had thought about favors.

After a bit of stammering on my part, I finally confessed that favors were probably not going to make an appearance at our shindig for it is my believe that the whole favor thing is nothing but . . . a racket. 

That's right. I said the "r" word.  I have said this word often during my wedding planning for I feel that adding the "w" word to the event actually is nothing more than asking the vendor, company, shop or crafter to "please add money to my bottom line."

Favors is a hotly contested wedding topic.  Many people, websites, blogs and wedding personnel feel that favors are a reception "must have" for it is seen as a "thank you for coming" gesture.  To the point, that I have even heard it mentioned that the happily married couple will appear "cheap" if they fail to offer these take home goodies.

The members of the other side of the favor coin believe this is an extravagance that our overly cluttered culture could use a break from. To the extreme, some brides feel that there is no need for an added "thank you" after they have shelled out top dollar for food, drink and dancing.

Personally, I would be for favors if there was an absolutely brilliant idea on how to appeal to every age range or stage of life.  Other than the parents of the bride and groom, most people don't have a need for monogrammed dove salt and pepper shakers or the flip-flop bottle opener.  While they are happy to take part in your special day, they don't need a photo frame with the date and your name engraved on it to add to their mantel.  What about the teenagers or children attending your wedding? Do they really need the personalized pancake flipper?

The argument for this is to offer what I lovingly call the Sugar Bomb. This is the parting gift of a sweet treat for the road home, ranging from pretty packets of Jordan Almonds to the do-it-yourself candy bar (Personal Soap Box: step away from this trend and run the other direction as fast as you can in your cute kitten heels!). This extra dose of sweetness will last all of two minutes and does little more than add to the daily calorie count. Plus, what do you offer for those who are diabetic? Or those who are allergic to nuts? Personally, its too much for me to think about.

According to my caterer, "if you are planning to do favors, decided how many you need and do a 1/4 of that. If they want them, they are there. If not or they run out, at least they won't be left on the tables for cleanup crews."  

That's where the heart of my dislike for favors truly lies -- the absolute waste of product, money and time.  Those beautiful organza bags you spent big money on to add personal labels, if you are lucky, will be coming home with you.  The carefully crafted cupcakes in a jar will be left on the table and the customized "seeds of love" will lay untouched. 

However, there is hope.

According to "Bargainsita Bride - Your Dream Wedding For Less" by Aimee Manis, weddings are becoming more of a reflection of the couple, their personalities and their values.  This is being demonstrated in the ceremony decorations, reception center pieces and the personal touch that comes from the general tone of the event.

As the wedding trend shifts from the bold excess and extravagant affairs to the simple, authentic wedding, there are new avenues of offering "favors" to your guests.  The potted plants you are using for a centerpiece can go home with guests to plant in their gardens.  Making your own runners? Perhaps your aunts or cousins who host waffle parties or Thanksgiving would love to add them to their decoration bins.  Or, better yet, if you have a quilter in the family, donate the runners to their fabric stashes. 

This is a green way of "reusing" the decor from your big day that will contribute to the lives of your guests.  It will be that much more special, will help eliminate the favor waste and it won't take any more extra time to make since it is already on your to-do list.

But, if you are like me, it may be useful to see the words in large, bold print. FAVORS ARE NOT A MUST-HAVE AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE FAVORS. You're guests won't miss it and everyone will enjoy the wedding -- for it is your day, a reflection of you and, in the end, that's what matters.

I'm not giving favors and I am pleased as spiked punch about it.





 

Wedding Lesson #1: It's Your Day, Do What You Want

As many brides are apt to do, I have been scouring the blogs, wedding sites and forums for ideas or even sources of inspirations. I can't pinpoint the exact moment but somewhere in the middle of all that, I started viewing these sources as guidelines or, worse, "must haves". 

Instead of viewing each DIY idea or even ceremony element as a "Oh, that's cute!" idea, I started viewing the posts as "you need this for your event to be a success."  I even read on a website that in order for my wedding to be seen as a success, I needed to distribute favors to guests.

Whoa! What? The whole shindig isn't centered around the amount of flowers in the bouquet, how many vintage chalkboards I am using or if there are poms decorating the aisles.  To me, the event is a success if I can call myself a wife at the end of the day. 

I will be frank. I got overwhelmed with trying to decipher the ideas from what others considered an ideal wedding. I think the candy bar works for some but I don't see giving guests a sugar bomb the secret to making my day special.

So, I took a break from the blogs, posts and sites. I took some time to regroup my views on what I would like to see for my big day.  Mike and I discussed what was important to us, what we want to share with our guests and what was necessary to make that happen.

The two of us realized that what will make our day a success isn't in birdcage centerpieces or rosettes but rather in keeping the ceremony authentic to us.  If it is something we would like to see for our day or share, it will come across as genuine to our guests.  If we are comfortable with the day, our guests will see the magic that is between us and that will leave a longer lasting impression than any custom napkin will.

After we realized that, there were several things the two of us cut from the list of "to have", including: favors, assigned seats and aisle decor.  

It's not about the money you spend but how you spend it.  Make sure you are investing in something that is authentically you and not what blogs, family or even friends tell you is necessary.  It is your day -- allow YOU to shine through.

It was a lesson I'm glad I learned early on.