Double-Digits to the Big Day: When I Realized I Was Getting Married

One of the cons to having a countdown clock to the big day on your wedding website is that you know how far away it is until you say "I Do." 

For months, the number was in the hundreds. It felt like we were crawling towards our wedding.  The day seemed like some far off date and it was never going to get here. 

And, then it displayed "99" and the reality of our approaching wedding hit me.  We were in the double-digits and "this close" to being married. I'm getting married!

I felt a surge of what I initially thought was panic. My extremely long list of still "to-dos" popped into my head along with the items that we still have yet to work out.  But this was just a flash in a pan. A small twinge of feeling overwhelmed before the excitement quickly snipped it in the bud.

I wasn't concerned about the wedding or what needed to be done.  For me, it was a countdown to starting a married life with my partner.  In less than 100 days, I was going to make vows for the rest of my life with someone I considered my partner.  I was going to be a wife.

For me,I think the end goal of a married life was hidden from view behind designs of invites and centerpiece decisions.  Maybe it's what can be labeled as "wedding zen" or learning the true meaning of marriage.   But I feel that I am counting down towards more than a party but a new beginning.

I'm getting married.

The Slope Into Marriage

Getting hitched, tying the knot or taking the plunge is no longer the biggest step towards a united life with your significant other.  It is no longer a cannonball dive into the deep end of marriage that it once was; but rather a gentle slope in the winding road of relationships. 

I was watching an episode from the second season of “Bridezilla” (don’t judge) that highlighted my views on this incline.  One of the brides, Noelle, was saying that the groom-to-be and her had picked the date and location before the question was formally posed.  It was more of a discussion of their future together rather than a complete change of their circumstances. 

My fiancé and I had a similar and yet different situation.  The two of us were friends that discovered we had more than just “let’s grab a beer” thoughts about one another.   One night, the guy I classified as a friend who I really liked broke the news to me that he was thinking about leaving Portland, Oregon to pursue a career in Vancouver, Canada.  While not a world away, I could only think about how empty my world would be without him.  

When he asked me what I thought, I was torn between being the supportive friend and letting someone who was more important to me than I care to admit to even myself know that it was killing me to see him go.  No one was more surprised than I was when the latter came out of my mouth.  It was then that he told me that I was under the wrong impression – he wanted me to go with him.

My choice to pack up my belongings, move in with him and relocate to a foreign country was probably the biggest defining moment in our relationship.  From there, we have been on a steady course to the altar and a life together with milestones to indicate how far we’ve traveled and the direction we are heading.  

While I know that there are couples who don’t move in with the significant other until after the big day or perhaps have a slightly smoother ride, I think the relationship map is changing.  It is something that shifts for the parties involved. It is a “Choose Your Own Adventure” to the altar that can be more traditional, but more often than not opens the door to a unique course for those involved.

Over a year later,  the two of us are preparing for the next milestone which includes a trip to the altar but it doesn’t feel scary or even like we are taking the plunge into something unknown. For me, it feels like another highpoint on a very scenic road trip with a very close friend.