The Awkward In-Between Phase of Wedding Planning

I have ran into a creative wall with wedding planning. At first, I thought it was the holiday crush putting a stall on any nuptial progression.  Then, I just thought that maybe I missed the whole "bridey" stress thing and was coasting towards altar bliss without the stress.  This, however, was not true.

My wedding stage status became blatantly obvious to me after a trip to my neighborhood arts and crafts superstore.  In reality, I had no reason to be there. I had piles of multiple colors and textures of card stock that are waiting to be transformed into beautiful DIY rosettes or cut into intricate shapes for the banners.  I had football field lengths of fabric that need to be cut and stitched into wonderful homemade runners for the round tables at the reception.

In short, I was past the the "oh and awe" point of discovering what our wedding could be, deciding what we wanted  and was ready to put it into action; but the date was a bit too far out to start.  I was browsing the craft store because that was all I could do at this point.

There's a lovely insert in the "A Practical Wedding" book by Meg Keene written by Kayce Hazelgrove regarding the states of wedding planning.

These states include:

1) Euphoria: Squeeee!
2) Discovery: "Oh, Pretty!"
3) Panic: "How the hell?"
4) Depression: "What the eff? Eff me!"
5) Rebellion: "Eff it!"
6) Zen: "It is what it is."

I think that there is a phase missing.  I'm going to call it the "2.6: Awkward In-Between Let's Get It Started in Here Already" stage - for that's exactly what it is. 

Between "Discovery" and "Panic" is a period of time when your hands are both tied and idol.You are probably reading wedding blogs, surfing the net for ideas and writing down ideas that broadside you while standing in line for the bus.  You are scribbling to-do notes and adding to your list of DIY projects.  However, it is a time period when you are too far ahead of your wedding to actually make any headway on those lists.  This stage is too far out to finalize and print the invites, design the program or even working on outfits (especially during the holidays/winter hibernation weight gain).

You're excited. You want to do something. But, at this point, there is nothing to do. So, you slip into the usual routine of work, shopping, date nights, book club meetings and, possibly, the gym.  Oh, you still check in on your favorite blogs, but it dips down to about once a week.  There may even be a couple weeks that you forget to even visit the wedding sites.

It is this relax in the creative sparks and the motivation that may contribute directly to Stage 3.  It is the "in-between stage" that allows us to relax our guard  and allow some of the deadlines or agendas to slip by with only the passing thought of "we still have time."

Then it happens. One morning you wake up around 2:23 a.m. with your heart racing, a weird spasm in the middle of your back and the odd feeling to just need to have throw a good old fashioned tantrum. All those to-do items that were simmering on the back burner during the 2.6 phase come to a boil in a frightening sense of urgency; each one carrying an immediate due date.

The thought of invites flutters across your mind but the custom envelopes with the cute butterflies haven't been ordered. The custom dress a seamstress on Etsy is making you hasn't even been started because you didn't want to send her the measurements that included the seven extra pounds from spending the holidays with two families this year. 

In short, you are knee-deep in Stage 3 or in full-balls-out Panic mode.

For me, the Awkward In-Between stage hit right around the holidays when my extra time was filled with holiday shopping, planning trips back to the States and block-printing custom Christmas cards.  Oh, I was making progress on the holiday events but that whole wedding thing was swept under the Christmas tree skirt.

Luckily, my trip to the craft store brought the whole wedding planning process to the foreground before Stage 3 kicked in with a vengeance.  I realized that while it was too early for most of my to-do items, like the invites for I still needed to have a meeting with the caterer, I could make small progress on some of the less time sensitive to-do items on my DIY list.

After I got the holiday cards made, filled out and in the out-going box, I made a "wedding planning planner".  This was nothing more than a resolution or commitment to do at least one thing a week. Whether it was stitching a few of the runners or researching how to make fabric flowers for the bouquet.

It is a matter of setting small priorities before everything became a priority.When you find yourself in the 2.6 stage, take a look at your to-do list.  Figure out your priorities (what you want for the wedding) and what of those can be done ahead of time.  Consider the items that aren't on your "have to have" list and maybe use this time to knock some of them out -- this will avoid the "Eff It" stage when these items get cut due to time or costs.

Also, the 2.6 stage is an excellent time to exercise a bit of creative brainstorming.  So, you want a burlap banner but what if you could make one using some of your favorite old t-shirts? Or black and white pictures of you and your beau?  Use this time to think out of the box and develop a game plan for your new ideas. 

In short, don't let this lull before the storm contribute to the wedding frenzy but as a time to prepare for it.