Sunday, March 31, 2013

iPod Wedding DJ with Remote!

For most of the wedding planning adventure, I have felt like a fish out of water.  I have been thrust into the world of taffeta vs tulle, one or two layer crinoline and centerpieces for round vs. rectangle tables. I have forged through decisions surrounding favors, programs and theme colors.

Most of the above experiences have been a learning process -- and a few involved learning from mistakes.  Which is why I was so proud to find one area that I could rock without having to do heavy research -- setting up my iTouch as a remote to control iTunes on my laptop for the reception.

While most venues have the option to hook up your iPod via audio cable to the in-house sound system or a docking station, this means that your iPod is just hanging out somewhere. To adjust the audio or change songs, you have to go to the set-up/station and manually adjust it.

One of the common tips I have found on websites and blogs as a warning for brides wanting to use an iPod in lieu of a DJ for the wedding reception is to have a music bouncer.  This role is to keep guests from adjusting or crashing the wedding playlist.

I have also heard that even if you have the iPod hooked up to the house/venue sound system, one must be sure to turn off the "clicks" so that they aren't heard over the system.


DJ Own Wedding - iPod Wedding List
Turning your iPhone or iTouch into a remote SOLVES all of the above.  There is a bit more of a setup for you're not just hooking up your iPod to a sound/speaker system.  But it does allow you to adjust the audio and change songs without being near the speaker system.  Because you are only controlling the computer, there's no audio clicks when you engage your iPod/iPhone.  It also means YOU keep the control within your reach.

Oh! And it can be done at ANY venue that lets you hook up an iPod to their sound system.  Benefits are quite priceless.

What Do You Need:
  • Laptop with iTunes & Wedding Playlist
  • iTouch/iPhone
  • Wi-Fi Router (but it doesn't need to have/provide internet access)
  • a "can-do" attitude
Initial Set-Up & Testing: approx 45 minutes
Day of Set-up: 5 - 10 minutes

1) Wedding Playlist & iTunes on a Laptop/iPad
More than likely, you already have this step completed.  Most people have iTunes on their laptop.  Create a wedding playlist with your favorite songs and you are golden.  If you don't have iTunes installed, go ahead. It's easy and then upload/add/sync your current playlist from your iPod/iPhone.

2) Get the Remote App for you iTouch/iPad/iPhone
Here's where the magic happens.  Remote controlling iTunes from your iPod touch or iPhone has its advantages. Like, it could help you easily shuffle songs, adjust the volume and CAN WORK ANYWHERE in the wifi router area!  It basically eliminates the need to be at your computer to manage iTunes or leave your iPod where people can manipulate your playlist.

So I'm not recreating the wheel -- here are easy step-by-step instructions! FOLLOW THEM TO THE "T"!


ipod wedding - turn iphone into remote
3) Hook up your computer to a radio/speaker system
This is where the boom comes in.  We are just using the music for background noise, so we don't need a huge system.  Our living room radio, which we use to pump up hockey games, will do nicely for adding some specialized music to the background.  Using a audio cord, we hooked up my computer to the speaker system.  Check!

This is also where you would just hook up your computer to the inhouse/venue sound system via an audio cable.  

Extra Tip:
Set a password on your computer!  This will prevent anyone gaining access to the playlist. Or accessing anything you don't want peeps to see. Plus, honestly, it's good practice.

4) Set your laptop to avoid going into hibernation when you close the lid.  To do this,simply right click your desktop, go to Properties.Proceed to the screen saver tab, and then the Advanced button under the power settings section.In that option window, in one of the tabs, you will get selections such as "When I push the power button on my computer: _______" in one of the tabs usually around that option there will be something called "When I close the lid of my computer: _________". Here you want to select "Do Nothing".

5) Set Speaker Max Volume
Set the sound system to make volume.  In the Remote app on the iTouch/iPhone, you should then be able to adjust the audio up and down -- but it won't go above the setting of the speaker system.

6) Tweak "Cross-Fade" and Check "Sound Check" Options
On your computer and in the iTunes app, go to Edit and then Preferences.  Under "Playback", you should be able to adjust the "Cross-Fade" (which lengthens or reduces the down time between songs".  The "Sound Check" helps to stablize the audio level during playback.

7)  Plug in the Wi-Fi Router
This is used so that the computer and the device can talk to one another.  If you have data or a 3G card, this may not be necessary.  And you don't need to connect it to Ethernet or a phone line.  It just needs to be on so the two devices can talk to one another.

8) You are Golden!
You should now have your entire iTunes library in your Remote app. You can choose a song, and it automatically starts playing in iTunes on your computer. You should be able to adjust the audio.  AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE NEAR IT to do either of those.  Plus, you don't have to assign one of the bridesmaids or groomsmen as music guards.

Plus -- you will be able to do the same thing for your backyard barbecues, game nights with friends or even just hanging at the house.  It really is quite awesome.

A few reminders:
1) You need the wi-fi router.
2) iTunes should be opened on the computer. The REMOTE app does not start the program.

Now, get your groove on!

Resources:

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Timelines? (Or How I Found Out We Were Having a Non-Traditional Wedding)

I will admit. Getting married is kind of like going back to school for your masters in a completely unrelated major. I have expanded my vocabulary when it comes to wedding dress and runner fabric.  I have become trained in the fine details of vows, ring exchange and the official "declaration" or "I do."
I've learned a lot.  I may never use the vat of knowledge on how to arrange centerpieces for round tables versus rectangle. But it's there.

So, when vendors started asking me for a day of timeline, I drew a blank. To me, it was simple:

Day of timelines are as exciting as they sound. They are an outline of your wedding day, jotted down on paper and given to vendors so they can determine what their requirements are for the big day. Everyone from the photographer to the caterer to the DJ want to know what you are doing and when so they can determine what they should have done by when.   Usually, this fun little document is little more than an Excel sheet with times, events and the necessary people involved.

Staring at my blank excel sheet felt like nuptial algebra in which I didn't understand the numbers, letters and what they were supposed to represent or equal when it comes to eating pancakes at 10 a.m.
I stumbled upon a blog entry that I believe would shine a light on the situation. Actually, I really thought I was going to cut and paste the timeline right into my own picture-fancy document for it was called "(Almost) Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Creating a Wedding Timeline"! They even had a segment on "Early Morning Weddings" in the third installment of the series, which showed:
  • 7:00am—Hair and makeup starts
  • 8:30am—Vendors arrive/Setup starts
  • 9:00am—First look and couple’s portraits
  • 9:30am—Family pictures
  • 9:30am—Guests begin to arrive
  • 10:00am—Invite time
  • 10:15 am—Ceremony starts
  • 10:45am—Ceremony concludes
  • 10:45am—Cocktail “hour” starts/Additional family photos
  • 11:30am—Brunch starts
  • 12:15pm—Toasts
  • 1:00pm—First dance
  • 1:30pm—Cake cutting/Dessert
  • 2:45pm—Couple departs
  • 3:00pm—Guests depart
  • 3:00pm—Breakdown commences
  • 4:00pm—All vendors out
According to A Practical Wedding blog, what you really need to make the wedding day magic happen is some basic organization.  "A well-planned wedding timeline makes guests feel taken care of, and when they feel taken care of, they're more likely to roll with the non-traditional plan."

I was overwhelmed and worn out just reading through a sample day of a theoretical early morning wedding. One of the tips many newlywedded brides offer to those about to march down the aisle is to make sure you have a friend, bridemaid or family member there to give you drinks, make sure you eat and carry Chapstick. I couldn't imagine what happened on one's wedding day to completely blow out one's ability to care for oneself. 

Well, now I know. It comes from packing in a day with events, photo opps and squeezing in socializing where you can.  After taking a look at the times and events, my estimation of the time spent mingling with people came to just under two hours.  If your wedding guest list is sixty, that would be under two minutes per guest. Maybe I'm not all that bad at wedding algebra after all.

For us, this just wouldn't do.  Whether it is the Idaho-based clan, family that traveled from afar or our friends from the Portland area, Mike and I see our wedding as an event where we get married and socialize with all the people who mean the most to us but only see perhaps once a year since our move to Canada.

It was at that moment that I realized we were hosting a non-traditional wedding.  Our day wasn't dictated by events but by people.  With a morning wedding, we have less time to do the pre-pampering. In fact, we are going to use that time to decorate the venue.  Instead of waiting until the ceremony for guests to see us, we are going to share that excitement with guests. We aren't doing a wedding cake or the usual dance reception. We're not opposed to people making toasts, but we don't have a wedding party to support this tradition. While we are planning some one-on-one time with the photographer, we prefer the candid shots over the poses.  We didn't care much about hitting time cues but rather the organic flow of the event.

When it comes to creating a timeline, it really comes down to where you want to maximize time and what would be okay to simply cross of the list.  Want more time with guests? You may have to shorten up the photo shoot or reduce the time it takes to wrangle people for the cake cutting.  Or cut it out all together.

So, here is our timeline:
4 a.m. Wake up/Get Ready
5:30 a.m. Leave for Venue/Post Direction Signs
6 - 7:45 a.m. Venue decorating
7:45 a.m. Mike and Weegee get into costume
8 a.m. Guests arrive for donut mixer
8 a.m. Pre-Wedding Photos with immediate family
8:30 a.m. Join guests for donuts!
8:50 a.m. Sister rings chapel bell
9:00 a.m.Ceremony begins
9:20 a.m. Ceremony ends/Guests free to wander grounds
9:20 a.m. Weegee and Mike regroup
9:25 a.m. Quick Photo Shoot with Mike & Weegee
9:45 a.m. We rejoin guests!
10 a.m.  Pancake Feed is on!
1 - 1:30 p.m. Clear out decorations
2 p.m. Tap house for drinks in wedding gear

Yeah. That's it. The important things are represented: donuts, ceremony, pancakes and guests.  That's perfect for us.

Resources:




Wednesday, March 20, 2013

My Dress Is In The Mail!

This morning, I woke to find an email in my inbox that alerted me to the fact that my dress was en route to our Canada home. I was filled with a sense of excitement for I was going to see my wedding dress for the first time.

I started my wedding dress shopping the way most people shop for any large investment - by scouring the Internet.  I was quickly overwhelmed by all the decision that go into a simple dress. My lack of fashion knowledge was revealed when I had to learn the difference between A-Line and mermaid.  I was a fish out of water when I had to navigate the choices between satin, tulle and organza fabrics.

But what really had me stuck was the white thing.  For one, white is one of the colors that I can't make look good.   I live in Canada and I don't go outside without a heavy lather of sunscreen. Both of which greatly impacts my pale skin tone.

For two, I'm not fond of the color.  I lean towards bold colors, vintage prints or the ever popular black.  White is an accent color in my wardrobe and I just don't see myself getting married in that color.

A friend of mine told me a story about talking to a dress maker in Italy.  She went into the store to question her about the color of a gorgeous maroon-ish dress that was in the window.  The store owner told my friend that was a work in progress for a customer's wedding.

"It is my belief that a wedding dress should be whatever color the bride wants to be married in. It's her and the day that makes it a wedding gown. Not the color of it. Wear what you want. It's still going to be your wedding dress and you'll be more comfortable in it," the store owner explained.

Sarah Jessica Parker wore black when she married Matthew Broderick in 1997.  Elizabeth Taylor wore yellow the first time she married Richard Burton in 1964 and green when they re-married in 1975. 


Most of my searches for wedding dresses with color turned up "blush" (soft pink) or white gowns with highlights of color.  While pretty, these were just a bit too . . . subtle.  I wanted color.  Bold colors like this Pinterest board by Off Beat Bride.

I adjusted my search criteria, taking out "wedding" and I put in "rockabilly" and "swing" -- and that's how I found my dress.

The Soda Pop Dress Shoppe is an Etsy.com shop that specializes in handmade 1950s rockabilly swing dresses made to your specifications (fabric choice, addition of details, side slit pockets, invisible zippers).The owner, Kristen Strakusek, makes the dresses from her home in Illinois.  With a love for 50s fashion, Strakusek started making her own dresses after growing tired of seeing other girls wearing the same thing. In short, she was a girl after my own heart!

A short time on her site was all it took for me to find the dress I wanted.  The Soda Pop Dress with contrasting fabric bow was perfect! 

I wasted little time contacting Kristen and asking if she would in fact be available to make my wedding dress. I stressed that I don't want it to be in white but rather a fun pattern with green, yellow, white and brown in it.

Kristen emailed me a variety of pattern fabrics in the colors I requested and I picked one that I thought looked fun.  With Mike's assistance, I emailed Kristen my measurements and fabric choice. She sent me information on the type of petticoat to purchase to give the gown extra flair (yeah, had to research this also) -- which I did promptly.

Then, I began the waiting period.


During this entire process, I never stepped foot into a dress shop. I didn't even try on one bridal gown while searching for a dress.  While I missed out on the excitement this process can offer a bride or the bonding she may have the friends who accompany her, I think this was for the best.

I get highly discouraged easily for clothes fit me awkwardly. I have a short torso, wide hips and shoulders and freakishly long arms and legs.  Clothing shopping, of any kind, only helps to highlight those issues to me.  More than likely, I would have purchased the first one that "came close" or was "good enough" because I would be done with the experience before I found the right one.

By choosing to have a dress custom made for me, I don't have to worry that the shoulders won't be broad enough or the bust big enough.  The dress, in bold color, will be tailored to my awkward body before I even tried it on.  Win-win.

With this morning's email, my wait is nearing an end and I will finally get to try on a wedding dress -- mine own personal, customized gown! 

I can't wait!

***Update: I wrote this blog about four hours too soon! I got the dress in the mail today and all I can say is WOW! I am super-excited to wear this on my big day and can not wait to wear it!  





Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Why Every Wedding Is a Success in My Book!


In some of my recent posts, I have mentioned "a wedding is a wedding" or that "all weddings are different" -- but I wanted to elaborate a bit more on this idea.

On December 12, my friend Georgie and her long-time beau David tied a knot with a Justice of the Peace in a private ceremony in Texas.  She picked out a dress and found a beautiful bouquet to hold during the short ceremony in a public park. 

On December 21, Mike's friend Karri married another mutal friend, Andrew, in a dinner and dance reception at a double-story venue owned and operated by a local brewery.  There were elements of tradition, white dress and a fancy tuxedo with a beautiful blue and purple theme, but it was a laid-back affair with ornament-making stations and a photo booth.

Mike and I are somewhere in between.  We are having a small wedding with friends and family that is more along the lines of a pancake feed. None of our linens are going to match and our outfits were picked for the fun of it rather than because they matched. 

While the two weddings, and our upcoming event, are wildly different from one another -- they all share two important elements:
1) Success: At the end of the day, all six people of the three couples married the person they adored.

2) Special: It was the perfect ceremony for each couple, their personalities and comfort levels.

I think a recent blog post on Offbeat Bride said it best with "We're all awesome, beautiful, wonderful brides planning celebrations — we're just throwing different parties."

To that end, it is easy to get wrapped up in the WIC (Wedding Industry Complex) of what has to be in the wedding and what you should be doing for guests.  There are times when discussing our event we feel like we are straying a bit too far from the whole wedding formula.  There is always that voice of doubt that perhaps you are just plain flat out doing the whole thing wrong. Sometimes these voices are blared through the bullhorn of wedding blogs or magazines.  Sometimes they are the more subtle tones coming from friends and family.

It was during one of these moments of flagging confidence in our choices that I turned to the groom-to-be and asked him what it was he wanted from his wedding.  Did he want a photobooth? Does he feel we needed to provide additional entertainment for our breakfast feast?

He, being the sweetheart he was, said he just wanted a simple ceremony and a reception that allows him to socialize with his friends and family.  Luckily, we were on the same page. That simple concept is how we designed our morning ceremony (9 a.m.) and pancake reception.

A lesson I have learned is that there is no wrong way to plan a wedding.  Different, yes. Wrong, no.   Keep what you want. Toss out what you don't. But mostly, don't compare your weddings to other people's - for each is decorated a bit differently, but the core is the same. Success and special.

I love that every wedding is different and comes from an authentic part of the partnership that we as guests are there to celebrate.  It doesn't matter if the budget was under $100 or over $30,000 -- each one has a sentimental value that is priceless -- for the couple and the people who love them.  From seated dinners to pancake feeds, people have gathered to share and celebrate the love of two people.

In another post, the author mentioned that "Your wedding is not a race, and there's no need to win — the only prize you need is the commitment of your partner (aww) and you get that regardless of how far you chose to walk off the beaten aisle."

Cheers to the wedding season and the marching to your own beat to the altar.






Saturday, March 16, 2013

DIY: Wedding Table Runners

Photo Courtesy: Project Wedding
"Runners" was one of those words I had to research as to what their purpose for a wedding was and then determine if it was something we needed to add to our list of to-dos.

In short, a table runner is a long, narrow piece of fabric that runs the length of the table in the center.  They add a bit of style to the table and add to the definition of the theme by incorporating the wedding colors.  Often, the fabric is organza, tulle, burlap or satin.  More often than not, they are pops of colors against a white or another solid-colored tablecloth.

A new trend in this table decor is to use common household items like wood, lace, doilies or even pages from books glued together for the runner.

Mike and I decided to use the tables and tablecloths provided by the venue, which means all white tables.  The idea of a pop of color here and there appeal to us, but we were not fans of the "solid color trends".   So, we decided to pick our own fabric and make the table runners ourselves.

While we were thinking we were on the road to originality, I discovered a blog that said "prints charming" is the "latest craze to take the wedding world by storm".  And this wasn't the only one to proclaim 2013 as the year in print. These "year in a nutshell" blogs and posts from wedding experts, event planners and even decor specialists highlighted a lot of things in our wedding - including, doughnuts, the color mint and a non-white gown.  I realized that if I read enough of them, every wedding personifies what's hot in 2013.  They're not an accurate gauge of what you should do but rather a reminder that a wedding is a wedding.  (Note: I have for the most part weened myself off the wedding blogs, etc. Too much info and not enough influence in our decisions.)

So, armed with that tidbit of  information, we went fabric shopping.  While we tried to stick with one color-ish theme, we picked up fabric that pleased us or made us smile. This was the easy part.

Since we have 12 five-foot round tables for our reception, I cut each 7-foot length of fabric into thirds length-wise (makes about a foot wide runner with some extra for the hem).

Using an iron, I folded over the edges to form a double hem.  Over the course of a couple of weekends (in between Canucks games), I stitched each side of the seven-foot long runners.  Nothing fancy.

While I am awfully proud of them, I know they are far from perfect. I'm hoping what they lack in appearance they make up with in charm.  It was an easy project that shows a lot of our personality. So, while they may add pops of color to the tables -- I'm hoping they are a reflection of the bride and groom and not just another runner.

Resources:

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Program? We don't need no **CENSORED** programs! Or do we?

I'll be honest with you.  My first thought was to skip the whole wedding program thing.  To me, it sounded like a whole lot of work to tell guests that they are at a wedding. Plus, a co-worker of mine said she made some beautiful, but intricately designed programs, for her wedding a few years ago and she left the venue with about 80 percent of them.

And then I read some wedding blogs (bad Weegee!) which pointed out the benefits of distributing these handy dandy guides for the big day.  Some of these benefits include highlighting the members of the wedding party, anything unusual about the ceremony and giving some props to vendors.  It helped solidify why programs were usually necessary -- but didn't seal the deal as to why we should implement this handy tool when it came time for us to exchange vows.

It wasn't until I found one couple's "So, You're Going To Sit Through A Wedding" program on one of my favorite blog sites, OffBeatBride.com.  This program was a handcrafted pamphlet that resembles a three-fold brochure you would find on the tourism rack of the hotel. It highlighted all the quirky bits of their wedding, such as how to use the photo booth and why clinking glasses to get the newlywedded couple to kiss isn't a good idea for anyone involved.

diy program - wedding program - so you're attending a wedding
Front
What I liked about this design is that it doesn't follow the "flowers and lace" typical program.  The design allows for each person to inject personality and tone while communicating what makes their wedding different.   It offers the chance to further ones branding of the wedding. 

The blog posting got my creative juices flowing and I decided to design a program loosely on this model -- just to show Mike and gather his thoughts.  As I was pulling together "questions" and "answers" for the FAQ -- I realized two things.

1) Our wedding does have some special aspects. Since we don't have a wedding party, a guide may be helpful for navigating our non-traditional shindig. We aren't going the dinner and dancing route and it may be somewhat beneficial to communicate a few things such as the cake doughnut bar or the old western schoolroom with children activities nestled inside. 

Inside View
2) I had an awfully good time creating the program. It was laying out our wedding in an easy to read format.  It gave me a chance to talk about the inspiration behind our artist canvas guest book (more to come in a later post) and the meaning behind the Trivia Pursuit cards.  I was able to expand upon why we went with an early morning wedding and how come pancakes became the reception meal of choice.

I did alter the example a bit. While the interior of the pamphlet contains the "FAQs", the exterior highlights the vendors, the immediate family, our officiant and a special thank you to the guests -- turning the card stock into a true three-fold brochure for our pancake breakfast shindig.


Front/Back/Inside Flap
Since this was made on our computer, we did a small batch "print" of the programs, folding them while watching our favorite hockey team on the ice! Wedding crafting and couple bonding while hooting and hollering. It doesn't get any better than that.

While I had stolen the idea from another couple or blog post -- seeing the format highlighted on HuffingtonPost as "Best Program Ever" today sort of stole the breeze out of my sails. But not enough to put the kibosh on it.  For each wedding is different -- and thus, so are the programs.

Monday, March 11, 2013

The Big 4-0: Forty Days to Our Wedding

There were two events that brought home how soon our upcoming wedding was and how much we still had to accomplish -- even for the simple, low-key affair we had planned.

The first was an email from Mike's mother regarding where we stood with the Welcome Shindig scheduled for the night before.  She said the last she heard we were contemplating the menu at the hotel and working on a budget.  Unfortunately, I reported that no progress had been made. 

The second was a discussion between Mike and I that went something like this:

Mike: "Well, other than writing our vows, we shouldn't have much left to do."

To which I smiled and pulled out THE NOTEBOOK with two full pages of items that still needed some attention, such as: welcome packages, finalize and printing programs, creating the iPod dance list, a shot list for the photog, menu options for the Welcome Shindig and finding something for him to wear for the big day.

Needless to say, neither one of us were smiling by the time I ran through the checklist. In fact, the two of us were left feeling a bit overwhelmed and . . . panicky may be the best word.  This kitchen pow-wow during breakfast in the end helped out greatly.   It also helped us put the whole event planning into perspective.

1) Together
For the past eight months, we have slowly accumulated boxes of wedding stuff.  For the most part, I have done a lot of the design work solo -- mostly due to my flexible work schedule.  However, it has been a partnership through out most of the process. While I was stitching runners together, Mike was painting flowers on the pots for the herb centerpieces. We still have a ways to go -- but the checklist is helping the two of us know what to do and where to go next.    Together. 

2) It Is What It Is
The two of us will work to accomplish what we can or what is most important.  It helped us weigh and measure each item. Obviously, printing out a banner for the donut table may not rank as high as finding the groom something to wear for the ceremony. We will do what we can and live without some of the details we may have discussed as "that's neat." There is nothing that we "have to have" . . . well, other than clothes for Mike.

As we enter into the final forty days before our wedding, I feel a sense of "wedding zen." We're communicating and functioning as a family unit -- which is really what the engagement process is really about.  That and the power of pancakes did a lot to sooth our planning jitters.





Friday, March 1, 2013

Saying "I Do" in Our Words

When we sat down with our dear friend and officiant of our upcoming wedding, Lisa Morrison, she mentioned that we should consider writing our own vows.  I remember at the time thinking that was an excellent idea. I didn't realize what we were actually signing ourselves up for or what it would actually take to accomplish this task.

And we aren't alone. According to one post on Wedding Wire, an officiant said "100% of couples tell me they are writing their own vows. Less than 3% actually do. Out of those one froze and could not speak, one was very nice and the last was a story that went on and on and on."

A couple of our friends tied-the-knot in a beautiful ceremony last December.  About a month after the event, we asked them about their vows.  The newlywedded bride said that they had written their own vows, but she "chickened out the day before and we just went with what the officiant said." 

Writing your own vows is a daunting thing. It opens your relationship to everyone in attendance and shines a spotlight onto a very personal aspect of your relationship -- your love for your partner.  It's a part that people, up until this moment, have only glimpsed in a glance the two of you shared or maybe the way you hold hands while watching the news.

Mike and I are introverts who shy away from taking center stage and the idea of opening our relationship up to our parents, cousins and friends from work puts a nice anxiety knot in my stomach.

However, after reading forum posts, blogs, websites and books dedicated to the touchy subject of vows,  I think we should write our own vows.  Here's why:

1) The age of technology has given us the opportunity to share, copy and paste and interact about something that, in my opinion, is very personal. I saw so many posts where someone wrote "I like that. I'm going to use it."  Use someone else's words? I don't think I would feel comfortable using someone else's words or expressions or phrasing.  It's going to mean more to me to use my own words.

2) It comes down to what I think would make me "feel married".  At the end of the big day, I want to know that I told Mike how I feel, my promises and declaration in my own words. That will make the our commitment to each other seem that more real. I will at that point feel like we were in the ceremony, shared what was in our hearts and have been incorporated into one another's life.

Don't get me wrong. If repeating the traditional vows or the ones your officiant supplies makes you "feel married", that's awesome.  If you find inspiration on the web to kick your own vows up a notch, go for it. It's more important that you feel comfortable, are in your element and stating the words that you want to say.  Whatever and however they may be.

For us,  this meant writing our own vows.

Vows, What Are They Anyway?
I am showing my lack of wedding knowledge with this one. I honestly didn't know what wedding vows were.  Was this the "for better or worse" or the history of us? Or is this the love letter I write to him but read in front of everyone while standing in a pretty dress? How is this different from the ring exchange or the declaration? As a bridal newbie, I was lost. Absolutely without a map and up a creek lost. I needed a scarecrow to point this Dorothy in the right direction.

Luckily that guide was found in a "Wedding Ceremony for Dummies"-esque posting on one of my wedding porn sites.  According to the post, the declaration of intent is the "I Do" part of the ceremony where "the couple faces one another, takes hands, and answers some very important questions about marriage."

The vows can either be read by the couple to each other or done as a "repeat after me" with the presiding officiant.   They are the promises each partner in a couple makes to the other.  More traditional vows are the "for better, for worse, for richer or poorer" style.  This is where you make the promises you VOW to keep, hold dear and cherish to your partner.

Ring vows, traditionally done in the "repeat after me style"  is a demonstration of what the ring symbolizes to the marriage, couple, etc.  Often times, it incorporates the lines "with this ring, I thee wed" or "Take this ring as a symbol of my love, etc."

However, as the blogger suggested, often times the vows and declaration get mingled together. You can drop the ring vows and just exchange the bling after the personal vows. Want to skip the declaration? That's awesome. Your day. Your way. It's the Burger King way of weddings. There is no right or wrong.  There's only "your way".

Writing the Vows
There are tons of sites dedicated to sharing vows or with tips for how to get started on writing your promises to your loved one.  These tips range from how you met your partner to what marriage means to you.  They make suggestions on setting a length limit to making sure your sentimental words don't clash with his humorous anecdote. 

These sites can offer more assistance and Googling "vows" will give you enough fudder for inspiration and direction.

But I have often noticed that the hardest part is just starting. So my suggestion is really just basic.  Pick up a pen or open a word document on your computer and start. Start small. Write a few sentences about your partner. Then a bit more. Eventually, you will have a good idea of what it is you want to say or promise to your partner.  And it doesn't have to be long.

My caterer related a story in which the bride and groom wrote their own vows. The bride read hers, which was long, sentimental and spoken from the heart. When it came down to the groom, his nerves won out and all he said was "I love you. I want to marry you." 

In the end, that's what it really is all about anyway right?  Find your way to say "I love you. I want to marry you" and that's the key to writing vows.

Resources:
A Practical Wedding: Open Thread: Wedding Vows
Offbeat Bride: Wedding Ceremony 101