Why Morning Weddings Aren't Popular (Or Why We Wanted a Morning Wedding)

I spend a lot of my downtime reading articles about leadership, business and optimism.  One of concepts that all of these resources share is the theme of taking back the mornings. This "mind over mattress" belief is that each morning is a new beginning. It is a way for one to carve out extra time to focus their sights on the daily agenda and future goals.

And to us, it was the perfect time of day to get married.

During our venue shopping visit to Idaho, we had a bit of a rough start convincing people of our vision.  We would mention breakfast reception -- but the reception hall or catering vendor would remark about how they enjoy champagne brunches.  One of my favorite responses was that it would be a neat idea to have pancakes for dinner. 

They're not alone.  Morning weddings are not overly popular. While the time of day limits the amount of alcohol guests will consume, it also somewhat limits your menu choices.  Reception halls and catering bills may be a bit cheaper -- but the trick is finding someone who wants to get up and make sure the donuts are laid out by 7:30 a.m. for the morning "coffee hour." Also, you will be able to find a styling company to hang the paper lanterns, lay out the organza runners on the tables and expertly place the burlap banners -- but getting them to do it at 5 a.m. on Saturday morning may cost a bit more then your evening bridal counterparts.

From a guest standpoint, it means getting up freakishly early to watch a twenty-minute ceremony.  Several brides on wedding forums and blogs have said that they wouldn't attend a morning wedding even if their own sister was tying the knot. 

However, it's actually the wedding party that are not fond of the morning weddings, for these reasons:

* Hard to find hairstylist or makeup person will to get to work before 7 a.m. Thus, you have to have a friend into hair or be willing to go minimalistic . . . on your wedding day.

* More often than not, due to the hour, the bride and groom become the decorating party. Instead of a slow, relaxing, pampered day until your event, you're hanging the paper lanterns and stringing up the banners.  Translated: your decorations need to be a bit simple for you only have a few hours to get it together.

* It's not the dance-a-thon of traditional weddings.  I think many people love the idea of the dinner/cocktails and dance blow out bashes.  Morning weddings are a bit more low-key due to the time of day, internal clocks and nature of the event.  You may be hard pressed to find anyone willing to hit the dance floor at 10:30 a.m.

* You have to get up freakishly early to get ready, prep the venue and then get into "bridal" mode.  Say 3:30 or 4 a.m. -- if you're lucky.

So, morning weddings aren't popular.  They move up the timeframe of the day, you're guests are pretty much done by noon and the wedding party is ready for bed by 5 p.m.  

And that sounds perfect to us.  

I think it would be torture to wait all day long to exchange vows when we can get up and make a fresh start to our marriage. 

Mike and I are also low-maintenance people -- I am not doing a whole lot for makeup and hair.  It would make me more self-conscious than add to the moment.

The two of us are also not keen on dancing and are usually in bed by 8:30 p.m. The idea of planning a late night dance reception seemed a bit out of character for us.

While we were planning our "sweet start," there were only a few raised eyebrows.  We have found a venue, caterer and photog that readily embraces our vision.  It was the friends and family who have surprised us the most by jumping on board with our slight break in tradition.  Despite having to be there by 8 a.m. -- most of our guests RSVPed that they wouldn't miss it.  And that is what will actually make our day special -- the guests!

Timelines? (Or How I Found Out We Were Having a Non-Traditional Wedding)

I will admit. Getting married is kind of like going back to school for your masters in a completely unrelated major. I have expanded my vocabulary when it comes to wedding dress and runner fabric.  I have become trained in the fine details of vows, ring exchange and the official "declaration" or "I do."
I've learned a lot.  I may never use the vat of knowledge on how to arrange centerpieces for round tables versus rectangle. But it's there.

So, when vendors started asking me for a day of timeline, I drew a blank. To me, it was simple:

Day of timelines are as exciting as they sound. They are an outline of your wedding day, jotted down on paper and given to vendors so they can determine what their requirements are for the big day. Everyone from the photographer to the caterer to the DJ want to know what you are doing and when so they can determine what they should have done by when.   Usually, this fun little document is little more than an Excel sheet with times, events and the necessary people involved.

Staring at my blank excel sheet felt like nuptial algebra in which I didn't understand the numbers, letters and what they were supposed to represent or equal when it comes to eating pancakes at 10 a.m.
I stumbled upon a blog entry that I believe would shine a light on the situation. Actually, I really thought I was going to cut and paste the timeline right into my own picture-fancy document for it was called "(Almost) Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Creating a Wedding Timeline"! They even had a segment on "Early Morning Weddings" in the third installment of the series, which showed:

• 7:00am—Hair and makeup starts
• 8:30am—Vendors arrive/Setup starts
• 9:00am—First look and couple’s portraits
• 9:30am—Family pictures
• 9:30am—Guests begin to arrive
• 10:00am—Invite time
• 10:15 am—Ceremony starts
• 10:45am—Ceremony concludes
• 10:45am—Cocktail “hour” starts/Additional family photos
• 11:30am—Brunch starts
• 12:15pm—Toasts
• 1:00pm—First dance
• 1:30pm—Cake cutting/Dessert
• 2:45pm—Couple departs
• 3:00pm—Guests depart
• 3:00pm—Breakdown commences
• 4:00pm—All vendors out

According to A Practical Wedding blog, what you really need to make the wedding day magic happen is some basic organization.  "A well-planned wedding timeline makes guests feel taken care of, and when they feel taken care of, they're more likely to roll with the non-traditional plan."

I was overwhelmed and worn out just reading through a sample day of a theoretical early morning wedding. One of the tips many newlywedded brides offer to those about to march down the aisle is to make sure you have a friend, bridemaid or family member there to give you drinks, make sure you eat and carry Chapstick. I couldn't imagine what happened on one's wedding day to completely blow out one's ability to care for oneself. 

Well, now I know. It comes from packing in a day with events, photo opps and squeezing in socializing where you can.  After taking a look at the times and events, my estimation of the time spent mingling with people came to just under two hours.  If your wedding guest list is sixty, that would be under two minutes per guest. Maybe I'm not all that bad at wedding algebra after all.

For us, this just wouldn't do.  Whether it is the Idaho-based clan, family that traveled from afar or our friends from the Portland area, Mike and I see our wedding as an event where we get married and socialize with all the people who mean the most to us but only see perhaps once a year since our move to Canada.

It was at that moment that I realized we were hosting a non-traditional wedding.  Our day wasn't dictated by events but by people.  With a morning wedding, we have less time to do the pre-pampering. In fact, we are going to use that time to decorate the venue.  Instead of waiting until the ceremony for guests to see us, we are going to share that excitement with guests. We aren't doing a wedding cake or the usual dance reception. We're not opposed to people making toasts, but we don't have a wedding party to support this tradition. While we are planning some one-on-one time with the photographer, we prefer the candid shots over the poses.  We didn't care much about hitting time cues but rather the organic flow of the event.

When it comes to creating a timeline, it really comes down to where you want to maximize time and what would be okay to simply cross of the list.  Want more time with guests? You may have to shorten up the photo shoot or reduce the time it takes to wrangle people for the cake cutting.  Or cut it out all together.

So, here is our timeline:
4 a.m. Wake up/Get Ready
5:30 a.m. Leave for Venue/Post Direction Signs
6 - 7:45 a.m. Venue decorating
7:45 a.m. Mike and Weegee get into costume
8 a.m. Guests arrive for donut mixer
8 a.m. Pre-Wedding Photos with immediate family
8:30 a.m. Join guests for donuts!
8:50 a.m. Sister rings chapel bell
9:00 a.m.Ceremony begins
9:20 a.m. Ceremony ends/Guests free to wander grounds
9:20 a.m. Weegee and Mike regroup
9:25 a.m. Quick Photo Shoot with Mike & Weegee
9:45 a.m. We rejoin guests!
10 a.m.  Pancake Feed is on!
1 - 1:30 p.m. Clear out decorations
2 p.m. Tap house for drinks in wedding gear

Yeah. That's it. The important things are represented: donuts, ceremony, pancakes and guests.  That's perfect for us.

Resources:

• (Almost) Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Creating a Wedding Timeline III